Princess Sparklefists (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
alexiscartwheel) wrote2008-10-22 06:58 pm
alexiscartwheel) wrote2008-10-22 06:58 pm
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Breaking Dawn: The Good, The Bad, and The Sparkly!
Yes, I've finally finished reading Breaking Dawn, only six weeks after the rest of the world. But, hey, it's not like I'm involved in that fandom (it's crazy!), so whatevs. Breaking Dawn was a lot of things--lulzy, melodramatic, cracktastic, silly, eye-roll inducing--but it was one thing above all: waaaay too long! I honestly enjoyed the third part of the book, as ridiculous as it sometimes--er, often--was, but first I had to slog over 350 pages to get there. Not good.
Part one was a lot of Bella being her waffly self, or otherwise being schmoopy and obnoxious. Bella hates attention and thus weddings and pretty clothes and shiny new cars and wedding blah blah blah. Then it turns out wedding are okay, as are honeymoons, where she and Edward can finally have lots of fade to black sex and get the new Mrs. Cullen knocked up with Edward's alien baby. That's pretty much all that happened in part one, so in the meantime it was just a lot of OMG-Edward-is-so-awesome-why-is-he-with-a-fragile-ugly-human-like-me-blah-blah-blah. And of course there was more of the Edward/Bella/Jacob love triangle that wouldn't die. On the upside, Bella's tank proof car was kind of funny. (Yes, I know it's sort of demeaning that Edward treats her like she is an oh so breakable damsel in distress type, but I still find her ridiculous anger over having a nice car amusingly dumb.)
Part two was a Jacob angst-fest. Oh goodie. I find Jacob sort of boring, and I'm really not at all interested in how he is sooooo devoted to Bella and his life will be over once she is a vampire and lost to him forever. Woe. I also resent him for causing the hated love triangle. (I also don't care about the who is "better" for Bella debate. Love triangles are annoying. Before Jacob, there was no love triangle. Also, vampires are cooler than werewolves.) Yeah. So Bella is pregnant and dying (angst! angst! angst!) and some shit goes down with the pack and Leah is kind bitchy, but none of that really matters, cause we're just stalling time with crazy long chapter titles while Bella drinks blood from a sippy cup before devil spawn can be born and Edward can vampify her.
The most important developments of part two: Renesmee is a terrible, terrible name. WTF? If she wanted to give the baby a bizarre name, she should have just gone with Hildegard or Ethelfrida. Renesmee? And Jacob "I never want to imprint cause then I wouldn't love Bella" Black settles for... Bella's baby. Yeah, that's just weird and creepy, and no wonder Bella and Edward both want to kill her.
Part three is where it's at. Oh, it's still kind of awful, but in a good way. Part three returned the series to it's deliciously addictive roots. Alice is finally around, making things 100% more awesome. Also, there is vampire lore! And a vampire house party! Emmett makes crude jokes! Bella is of course the most specialest of speshul snowflake vampires (way to ignore your own mythology there, Stephenie Meyer) but I'm sort of okay with that since it gets her to shut up about how undeserving she is and concentrate and eating antelope, but not her father. I really did enjoy the imminent vampire war section. The pacing finally picked up, which made it much more fun and much easier for me to handwave the annoying bits. (Like how Bella saves the day by suddenly mastering her super powers.) I would've liked to learn more about some of the other vampires. Really, the book could've been so much cooler if there was more vampire history and less anti-wedding-ness and Jacob angst. As it was, tons of new characters were introduced in the final act, so they never got much of a chance to develop. However, that seems to be the general format for the Twilight books: a whole bunch of romantic angst with sudden vampire crisis at the end. And then they all ride off into the sparkly sunset.
My overall assessment of the series: Twilight was the best of the bunch, and would've been a lovely, self-contained bit of crack had the series not continued. We would have been spared from both love triangles and the horrible Renesmee. But even though the sequels weren't as good, I still kind of like them, in spite of myself. Even Breaking Dawn.
And hooray for a reason to use my Josef icon! How sad that Moonlight was cancelled. Sure, it wasn't quite actually good... but it always had something unexpected. Plus, Mick and Beth were both kick-ass and made an awesome vampire/human couple, and Josef was really hot and snarky. Good times. There should be a Twilight/Moonlight crossover book/movie/tv special. I don't care, but I would read/watch it because I have no shame. Nor, apparently, taste.
Part one was a lot of Bella being her waffly self, or otherwise being schmoopy and obnoxious. Bella hates attention and thus weddings and pretty clothes and shiny new cars and wedding blah blah blah. Then it turns out wedding are okay, as are honeymoons, where she and Edward can finally have lots of fade to black sex and get the new Mrs. Cullen knocked up with Edward's alien baby. That's pretty much all that happened in part one, so in the meantime it was just a lot of OMG-Edward-is-so-awesome-why-is-he-with-a-fragile-ugly-human-like-me-blah-blah-blah. And of course there was more of the Edward/Bella/Jacob love triangle that wouldn't die. On the upside, Bella's tank proof car was kind of funny. (Yes, I know it's sort of demeaning that Edward treats her like she is an oh so breakable damsel in distress type, but I still find her ridiculous anger over having a nice car amusingly dumb.)
Part two was a Jacob angst-fest. Oh goodie. I find Jacob sort of boring, and I'm really not at all interested in how he is sooooo devoted to Bella and his life will be over once she is a vampire and lost to him forever. Woe. I also resent him for causing the hated love triangle. (I also don't care about the who is "better" for Bella debate. Love triangles are annoying. Before Jacob, there was no love triangle. Also, vampires are cooler than werewolves.) Yeah. So Bella is pregnant and dying (angst! angst! angst!) and some shit goes down with the pack and Leah is kind bitchy, but none of that really matters, cause we're just stalling time with crazy long chapter titles while Bella drinks blood from a sippy cup before devil spawn can be born and Edward can vampify her.
The most important developments of part two: Renesmee is a terrible, terrible name. WTF? If she wanted to give the baby a bizarre name, she should have just gone with Hildegard or Ethelfrida. Renesmee? And Jacob "I never want to imprint cause then I wouldn't love Bella" Black settles for... Bella's baby. Yeah, that's just weird and creepy, and no wonder Bella and Edward both want to kill her.
Part three is where it's at. Oh, it's still kind of awful, but in a good way. Part three returned the series to it's deliciously addictive roots. Alice is finally around, making things 100% more awesome. Also, there is vampire lore! And a vampire house party! Emmett makes crude jokes! Bella is of course the most specialest of speshul snowflake vampires (way to ignore your own mythology there, Stephenie Meyer) but I'm sort of okay with that since it gets her to shut up about how undeserving she is and concentrate and eating antelope, but not her father. I really did enjoy the imminent vampire war section. The pacing finally picked up, which made it much more fun and much easier for me to handwave the annoying bits. (Like how Bella saves the day by suddenly mastering her super powers.) I would've liked to learn more about some of the other vampires. Really, the book could've been so much cooler if there was more vampire history and less anti-wedding-ness and Jacob angst. As it was, tons of new characters were introduced in the final act, so they never got much of a chance to develop. However, that seems to be the general format for the Twilight books: a whole bunch of romantic angst with sudden vampire crisis at the end. And then they all ride off into the sparkly sunset.
My overall assessment of the series: Twilight was the best of the bunch, and would've been a lovely, self-contained bit of crack had the series not continued. We would have been spared from both love triangles and the horrible Renesmee. But even though the sequels weren't as good, I still kind of like them, in spite of myself. Even Breaking Dawn.
And hooray for a reason to use my Josef icon! How sad that Moonlight was cancelled. Sure, it wasn't quite actually good... but it always had something unexpected. Plus, Mick and Beth were both kick-ass and made an awesome vampire/human couple, and Josef was really hot and snarky. Good times. There should be a Twilight/Moonlight crossover book/movie/tv special. I don't care, but I would read/watch it because I have no shame. Nor, apparently, taste.
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I KNOW, RIGHT?! THE most terrible name in the history of teen fiction (and there have been some baaaaad names). Someone told me that it's because SMeyer is a Mormon and they have a tradition of combining names, but that is NO EXCUSE. How can you take two pretty names like Renee and Esme (a name I love so much I gave it to one of my characters) and make them into THAT? And then to give her the nickname of my NESSIE?! And Jacob "imprinting" on her? For God's sake. And just think, Alex... people are going to be calling their kids by that name. You know it and I know it. Think of the children, the poor, poor children.
Oh yeah, the fade-out sex. Like it neeeeever happened. *rolls eyes* Also, the implications of Bella being bruised and telling Edward that it's okay? NOT GOOD.
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And Bella definitely comes across as some sort of crazy sex fiend.
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*snort* Given that I think Heathcliff & Cathy two of the most selfish characters in the history of literature, comparing Bella to Cathy... not such an insult in my book. Of cousre, WH is well-written, whereas these books... not so much. But they both have hypnotic power.
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The thing I didn't get about her whole attempt at extended Wuthering Heights metaphor in Eclipse is that while Bella is clearly Cathy with her selfish dithering, I wasn't sure which of the guys was supposed to be Heathcliff and which was supposed to be Linton. Neither of them fits quite right.
And you are so right about their hypnotic power!
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That's a good point, actually. I'm sure she was trying to say that Edward was Heathcliff, with the whole 'forbidden love' angle and Bella's all-consuming passion for him. But personality-wise, Edward's such a priss that he's more Edgar Linton than Heathcliff. Jacob, with his passion and anger, is a better fit for Heathcliff, even if he is the safer choice. O_o Oh SMeyer, if you're going to draw a comparison, do it RIGHT.
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Your icon is fantastically appropriate! :D
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NOT GOOD is right about Bella. Edward is remorseful, and rightfully so. Her thinking, "oh, no biggie, let's do it again!" is pretty not cool. It's yet another way in which she doesn't have nearly enough self-respect.