Breaking Dawn: The Good, The Bad, and The Sparkly!

[alexiscartwheel]

Yes, I've finally finished reading Breaking Dawn, only six weeks after the rest of the world. But, hey, it's not like I'm involved in that fandom (it's crazy!), so whatevs. Breaking Dawn was a lot of things--lulzy, melodramatic, cracktastic, silly, eye-roll inducing--but it was one thing above all: waaaay too long! I honestly enjoyed the third part of the book, as ridiculous as it sometimes--er, often--was, but first I had to slog over 350 pages to get there. Not good.

Part one was a lot of Bella being her waffly self, or otherwise being schmoopy and obnoxious. Bella hates attention and thus weddings and pretty clothes and shiny new cars and wedding blah blah blah. Then it turns out wedding are okay, as are honeymoons, where she and Edward can finally have lots of fade to black sex and get the new Mrs. Cullen knocked up with Edward's alien baby. That's pretty much all that happened in part one, so in the meantime it was just a lot of OMG-Edward-is-so-awesome-why-is-he-with-a-fragile-ugly-human-like-me-blah-blah-blah. And of course there was more of the Edward/Bella/Jacob love triangle that wouldn't die. On the upside, Bella's tank proof car was kind of funny. (Yes, I know it's sort of demeaning that Edward treats her like she is an oh so breakable damsel in distress type, but I still find her ridiculous anger over having a nice car amusingly dumb.)

Part two was a Jacob angst-fest. Oh goodie. I find Jacob sort of boring, and I'm really not at all interested in how he is sooooo devoted to Bella and his life will be over once she is a vampire and lost to him forever. Woe. I also resent him for causing the hated love triangle. (I also don't care about the who is "better" for Bella debate. Love triangles are annoying. Before Jacob, there was no love triangle. Also, vampires are cooler than werewolves.) Yeah. So Bella is pregnant and dying (angst! angst! angst!) and some shit goes down with the pack and Leah is kind bitchy, but none of that really matters, cause we're just stalling time with crazy long chapter titles while Bella drinks blood from a sippy cup before devil spawn can be born and Edward can vampify her.

The most important developments of part two: Renesmee is a terrible, terrible name. WTF? If she wanted to give the baby a bizarre name, she should have just gone with Hildegard or Ethelfrida. Renesmee? And Jacob "I never want to imprint cause then I wouldn't love Bella" Black settles for... Bella's baby. Yeah, that's just weird and creepy, and no wonder Bella and Edward both want to kill her.

Part three is where it's at. Oh, it's still kind of awful, but in a good way. Part three returned the series to it's deliciously addictive roots. Alice is finally around, making things 100% more awesome. Also, there is vampire lore! And a vampire house party! Emmett makes crude jokes! Bella is of course the most specialest of speshul snowflake vampires (way to ignore your own mythology there, Stephenie Meyer) but I'm sort of okay with that since it gets her to shut up about how undeserving she is and concentrate and eating antelope, but not her father. I really did enjoy the imminent vampire war section. The pacing finally picked up, which made it much more fun and much easier for me to handwave the annoying bits. (Like how Bella saves the day by suddenly mastering her super powers.) I would've liked to learn more about some of the other vampires. Really, the book could've been so much cooler if there was more vampire history and less anti-wedding-ness and Jacob angst. As it was, tons of new characters were introduced in the final act, so they never got much of a chance to develop. However, that seems to be the general format for the Twilight books: a whole bunch of romantic angst with sudden vampire crisis at the end. And then they all ride off into the sparkly sunset.

My overall assessment of the series: Twilight was the best of the bunch, and would've been a lovely, self-contained bit of crack had the series not continued. We would have been spared from both love triangles and the horrible Renesmee. But even though the sequels weren't as good, I still kind of like them, in spite of myself. Even Breaking Dawn.

And hooray for a reason to use my Josef icon! How sad that Moonlight was cancelled. Sure, it wasn't quite actually good... but it always had something unexpected. Plus, Mick and Beth were both kick-ass and made an awesome vampire/human couple, and Josef was really hot and snarky. Good times. There should be a Twilight/Moonlight crossover book/movie/tv special. I don't care, but I would read/watch it because I have no shame. Nor, apparently, taste.

Comments

[sagacious-c.livejournal.com]

Your review made me laugh because it's just so spot on. ;)

Really, the book could've been so much cooler if there was more vampire history and less anti-wedding-ness and Jacob angst.

Exactly. There are some cool ideas floating around in there, but you have to sort through a lot of other stuff. I feel like she should have edited herself more... She can have all that other stuff be part of the story in her mind, but be more judicious about which parts of it she puts on paper to be part of the actual book. I mean, that's kind of the fun part of fanfic in the Harry Potter universe, right -- filling in the gaps that are hinted at but not described in mindnumbing detail? We could -- and DID -- understand the OMG!INTENSITY of Bella/Edward without having to read over and over and over again how intensely both of them felt about one another. Yeah, got it.

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

Good to know someone else feels the same way about it! :D

She should have edited herself more, or her editors should have edited more. Less of the sappy Bella/Edward and angsty Bella/Jacob would have made such a difference. You know... balance. It's a good idea.

[lilah-kelly.livejournal.com]

I always feel weird for liking the Twilight series, because I can't actually explain why I seem to like it so much. Most of it is everything you described; the lulz, the cracky-ness of it, etc. I guess I feel that the storyline was actually a great idea, SMeyer just didn't know what the hell to do with it all. So I'm kind of split on how I feel. I like it, but I also like to make fun of it. It's a very schitzo kind of relationship. lol

As far as Jacob is concerned, I couldn't stand the boy. I have never been so angry at a character in a book before. People talk about how stalkerish Edward is...Um, hello! Jacob was like the abusivie boyfriend that didn't know "we're over" doesn't mean "keep trying to pester me into dating you, it's sooooooooo working!". Ugh! And yes, the triangle BS was annoying as hell. I fully expected Failcob Jacob to put on some eyeliner and go completely Emo on us at some point. His imprinting makes me feel squicky, but at least it stopped the damn whining over Bella! omg, I could have hugged someone at that point. lol

Most interesting characters in all 4 books: Kate and Garrett. God, I'd pay vast amounts of money to read a book about those two. "I'll follow you anywhere, woman." I might have fallen in lust with Garrett at that line. *drools*

Agreed that Twilight was the best of the series. I'm really looking forward to the movie. But that's mainly because of Robert Pattinson and the other hot boys in the movie (besides, ya know, Failcob). lol

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

I liked Kate and Garrett too! We got some teensy little glimpses of their characters, but I thought introducing so many new people all at once--and right toward the end--resulted in no one getting enough development. (No, it is not enough to provide a list of names by coven.)

I'm not super-psyched about the movie, but I do want to see it. It should be amusing, if nothing else.

AMEN

[bara-eponine.livejournal.com]

New Moon is actually my favorite book in the series. I prefer Jacob to Edward but I agree Jacob had absolutely not point being in this book. I read a piece of flair that said, "Dear Edward, in six years I'll be fucking your daughter. Love, Jacob". I did NOT need to hear all about the freaking wedding either. Geez. Bella was so much more fun once she was turned.

Re: AMEN

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

Ah, so you're one of those people! Kidding, you're allowed to like Jacob! I just never really cared about him much, and then the love triangle thing made me irritated with him.

And yes. Less wedding, more epic Bella/Emmett showdowns!

[d4ni.livejournal.com]

I agree with you that Twilight was the best the series had to offer. It's got the magic of discovery, whereas the rest of the series is a ridiculous soap-opera. Not that I didn't voraciously read them all...

Breaking Dawn was definitely too long. My issue with the whole vampire war at the end was that there was way too much build up and not enough payoff. And Bella's power was kinda cool, but not nearly as fun as I thought it would be.

::mourns Moonlight::

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

Yes! You hit the nail right on the head with "the magic of discovery." That's what I was thinking but not able to put to words right. (What would I do without you, babe?)

Okay, so.. the vampire powers thing. I've come to the conclusion that they're generally kind of boring. They've each got one trick, that's it. By this point, Edward hearing everyone else's thoughts has gotten old, and him having one sided conversations with people was kind of annoying. The vampire history interests me (What the heck was Garrett doing during the Revolutionary War? American History + Vampires = Awesome) but that their "magic" doesn't. And with Bella, her power made sense--for once something did fit with stuff established in earlier books--but having read plenty of other fantasy books, I found it kind of annoying that she could just suddenly use her power better at the eleventh hour. (TO PROTECT HER BABY OMG!)

The one exception to this is Alice. Yes, like everyone else, she's just got one trick, but her visions are sometimes a bit less certain, and she uses them in different ways. Alice masterplans FTW!

Also, is that a Margot icon? Only you would be that cool. Babe. :D

[d4ni.livejournal.com]

Yeah I too thought the powers were cool at first, then got kinda old. I guess that goes along with the whole "magic of discovery" thing. The reason Alice's power stayed interesting was because there was a degree of uncertainty about it. And yeah, I totally agree that Bella's use of her power suddenly at the end was unbelievable.

Maybe the vampire history thing would interest me more if the author hadn't attempted to introduce like twenty "cool" new vampires with their own unique histories in about a hundred pages. That could have been an entire book in itself, and it wasn't done well enough for me to be that interested.

Good job spotting the Margot icon, I wasn't sure if you'd recognize it. I am full of awesome sometimes. <3 Now, as this icon points out, the entire Twilight series would have been better if it had been in space.

OMG Vampires in Space!

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

I agree there wasn't enough about the other cool new vampires, I just thought there was enough for me to recognize that's where the interesting story should have been. Seriously, though... why would you introduce a whole new cast of characters in part three of the final book?

Okay, so what you can do... take Twilight, set it in space, find a better MacGuffin than Renesmee, and then cross over with Mrs. Du! You know you wanna.

Also, I just saw an ad with a picture of an empty chair telling me about how Barack Obama has no executive experience. Compared to John McCain's years of... serving in the U.S. Senate. Oh. Right.

[sea_thoughts]

Renesmee is a terrible, terrible name. WTF?

I KNOW, RIGHT?! THE most terrible name in the history of teen fiction (and there have been some baaaaad names). Someone told me that it's because SMeyer is a Mormon and they have a tradition of combining names, but that is NO EXCUSE. How can you take two pretty names like Renee and Esme (a name I love so much I gave it to one of my characters) and make them into THAT? And then to give her the nickname of my NESSIE?! And Jacob "imprinting" on her? For God's sake. And just think, Alex... people are going to be calling their kids by that name. You know it and I know it. Think of the children, the poor, poor children.

Oh yeah, the fade-out sex. Like it neeeeever happened. *rolls eyes* Also, the implications of Bella being bruised and telling Edward that it's okay? NOT GOOD.

[ex-jo-blogs.livejournal.com]

I've only read the first one and don't think I'll read the others. Twilight was disturbing enough.

[sea_thoughts]

I've only read the summaries on Wikipedia. From what I read on there, it seems like Eclipse is basically just Bella and Edward angsting about pre-marital sex and Bella pushing for it and Edward pushing for them to get married... I mean, I know sex is very important for teenagers, but WTF?

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the EPIC LOVE TRIANGLE OF EPICNESS and Bella's eleventh hour epiphany that she's love both Edward and Jacob. And some crap about Wuthering Heights.

And Bella definitely comes across as some sort of crazy sex fiend.

[sea_thoughts]

Well, to be fair to Bella, anyone would look like a crazy sex fiend next to Edward Cullen, wouldn't they? *lol*

*snort* Given that I think Heathcliff & Cathy two of the most selfish characters in the history of literature, comparing Bella to Cathy... not such an insult in my book. Of cousre, WH is well-written, whereas these books... not so much. But they both have hypnotic power.

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess once you hit the century mark, it's pretty safe to say you're past the raging hormones stage of life, er... death.

The thing I didn't get about her whole attempt at extended Wuthering Heights metaphor in Eclipse is that while Bella is clearly Cathy with her selfish dithering, I wasn't sure which of the guys was supposed to be Heathcliff and which was supposed to be Linton. Neither of them fits quite right.

And you are so right about their hypnotic power!

[sea_thoughts]

while Bella is clearly Cathy with her selfish dithering, I wasn't sure which of the guys was supposed to be Heathcliff and which was supposed to be Linton. Neither of them fits quite right.

That's a good point, actually. I'm sure she was trying to say that Edward was Heathcliff, with the whole 'forbidden love' angle and Bella's all-consuming passion for him. But personality-wise, Edward's such a priss that he's more Edgar Linton than Heathcliff. Jacob, with his passion and anger, is a better fit for Heathcliff, even if he is the safer choice. O_o Oh SMeyer, if you're going to draw a comparison, do it RIGHT.

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

Yeah, if you thought Twilight was disturbing, you're making the right choice by stopping there.

Your icon is fantastically appropriate! :D

[alexiscartwheel.livejournal.com]

If she wanted a combined name why couldn't she have just gone with Carlie? But no, poor Loch Ness Vampire baby gets stuck with Renesmee and gets the normal sounding name for her middle name. And I hadn't thought of people naming their real children that, but that's SO TRUE. There will be a whole generation of little Renesmees and Nessies. That's just cruel.

NOT GOOD is right about Bella. Edward is remorseful, and rightfully so. Her thinking, "oh, no biggie, let's do it again!" is pretty not cool. It's yet another way in which she doesn't have nearly enough self-respect.