The Eternal Ones

So I got this book from bookwench31 in a Christmas gift exchange. It's called The Eternal Ones and it looked like a terrible Twilight wannabe. My assignment was to read it and report back. Here is that report.

Don't keep reading if you're worried about spoilers. Don't worry about spoilers, because you don't want to read this book.

The special snowflake protagonist is Haven Moore. She has visions, because she's a 1920s New York heiress reincarnated. (She knows she's reincarnated, because why else would she know the name of every street in New York City even though she's never been there?) But she lives in Tennessee, under the guardianship of her incredibly strict, Christian grandmother, who convinces the whole town that Haven is possessed by a demon. Also, someone is maybe trying to kill her.

Using the money she and her sassy gay friend earned making prom dresses, Haven runs off to New York to find the famous playboy who she believes is her reincarnated boyfriend and to make contact with the Ouroboros Society, a special club for reincarnated people. Haven finds Ian on her very first day in New York and they are so in luuuuurve and they fly to Italy on his private jet (they don't even need passports because he is RICH) and it is AWESOME. Except Ian said he forgot his cell phone and it is a lie and maybe even though they've been in love for like 2000 years since past!Haven was married to some abusive guy in Crete and ran away with past!Ian, she doesn't really know this guy and shouldn't automatically trust him.

A bunch of stuff follows with the Ouroboros Society maybe being evil (or not!) and Ian maybe murdering a few people, possibly including past!Haven. Haven can't really figure out who she's supposed to trust, so she settles on trusting whoever she just talked to last, so she flip flops a lot. Turns out her past husband has been reincarnated too! And he's the devil! (Literally!) He can't stand that Haven and Ian are so in luuuurve throughout the centuries, so he just follows Haven around in each life, and if she doesn't renounce Ian and love him instead, he kills her, than stashes her bodies in a museum. Yeeeah.

But don't worry! Because it turns out Ian is good and loves Haven and they defeat the devil and get married and live in Italy where Haven sells designer clothes. Yay!

Also, for no particular reason, there are random snake handlers, and Haven visits their church, and Haven's dad died and car accident (caused by the devil's minion, the local minister) with a woman he wasn't having an affair with, but everybody thought he was. The devil is just randomly evil and stuff.

The writing, if you couldn't guess, is not good. At least two characters have green/emerald eyes, and one has violet eyes. The chapters are each about three pages long, but even though the book moves quickly from scene to scene, there are still long stretches where nothing actually happens. And of course, Haven and Ian are boring cardboard cutouts. I guess since they've been in love for 2000 years already, the development of their relationship doesn't have to be believable at all?

I am super excited that The Eternal Ones is first in a series. Can't wait to read them all!